Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Who Am I?

I never cease to be amazed at God's love for me.  I absolutely do not deserve it.  If you were in my head and read my thoughts, you'd be, like, "Who is this girl?  Ugh!"  Yes, my tongue is pretty trained to obey my mind.  Self-control in that aspect of my life comes natural to me.  There are other areas of my life where I could learn to practice a little more self-control.  Like eating.  Cheese.  Potatoes. Bread.  CARBS.  Gluttony is a sin that I struggle with.  Let's just put that out there right now.  I know it.  Do you know how many times I ask God to help me change that and then repeatedly fail him before the hour's over?  I take it back.  You don't want to know.

Today was one of those days that is so emotionally draining you just want to crawl in bed with a king-size Snickers bar and a glass or two of Chardonnay and put on mind-numbing television and not answer the phone.  Tell me you don't have those days.  I don't think I'm alone. 

But on those days, do you look for the little ways God is blessing you right where you are?  Do you have something happen and think, "Only God could have orchestrated that"?  You should!  It's days like this when I KNOW that God loves me.  Not because my day was good.  Not because I was feeling happy.  Not because of anything I did or felt.  Feelings lie, remember?  Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it?"

My morning started out good.  Time with my hubby.  Looking for something and finding it quickly. (Not the norm for me.  Sometimes I think I've lost my mind.)  Then it took a turn for the worse with one phone call.  Uncontrollable tears (it runs in my family, I know, but I promise, I had a reason).  Flood of negative emotions.  Who do I trust?  Who do I turn to?  On my knees.  Help me through this, Father, help me to keep doing what I know is right and to forgive.  This is what I was asking today. 

Fast forward a couple hours.  After successfully getting my contacts in my eyes which I've had for only a week and took about 15 minutes this morning because I dropped one and searched for it for 10 minutes only to find it in my hair (long story and a run-on sentence, I realize), I headed out the door to run some errands in town.  My in-laws were watching the children for a while.  I made a stop I had not planned on making at all.  It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.  I had a craving.  For spicy macaroni salad.  Anyway, during that stop I was so uplifted by someone that I was completely caught off guard.  It was a total turn around from two hours before.  God used a stranger to bring affirmation to me that I needed. 

It thrills me when the God who made the universe takes the time to speak directly to me.  To let me know that He hears me.  He cares about my problems, my feelings, and my life.  MY LIFE.  Why?  You know that Casting Crowns song, "Who Am I?"  It's so true!  I love that song because it captures exactly my relationship with my Father.  I am undeserving but God, in His infinite grace, chose to save me. ME.  I should be on my knees every minute of the day thanking Him for His mercy.  Praying without ceasing.

Here is the song in case you haven't heard it before:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjhxOv9YDag
When I hear it in the car I can't help but sing it at the top of my lungs and lift my hands to my Saviour. 

God knows me!  He knows my weaknesses and my failures.  Yet He still chooses to make His presence known to me.  "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father." (Matthew 10:29) 

Tonight I received a note of encouragement from someone I deeply respect.  Another blessing just when I needed it.

Take the time to understand that God gives you just what you need when you need it.  Ephesians 4:7 tells us, "But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift."  Who knows what you need and when you need it better than the One who made you? 

Father, I thank you tonight for your blessings.  Thank you for the ways you show yourself to me all day long.  Help me listen to your Spirit when you tell me you are doing something just for me.  Help me to follow you and know what your will is and that I am in it.  Close doors when they need to be closed and open them when they need to be opened.  Thy will be done.  In Jesus name, Amen.

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